Short Tales
Disclaimer: Kittens. Spotted, perhaps even green ones. Some Burts are actualy birds.
What Time Is It?
The Benefits of Two daytime jobs
Bill managed to fit one day into another. Now he had two of them. The tricky part was to leave room to enjoy the benefits of two daytime jobs. Great job on both jobs, it must have been a hard day's work and yet you managed to sneak in a few naps! Good job, good man. A job well done if you don't mind me writingand tomorrow is just a nap away.
Talkin'
Burt felt like talkin'. Then Jessica said something but Glenda strongly objected, encouraged by Drew to do so. They disagreed a lot, An Elm is very different from a Maple, but still had a good time. Sweet!
Ain't Talkin'
7 years in the hallway.
Another 7 years. The previous ones started once the third ones were all done having lots of Danish biscuits. Cookies? You seem to Mike like a boy who loves a cookie every now and then. Ginger and lemon or raspberry? I'll throw 'em both in. Best just offer options, so you don't need to talk.
Golden
The company wasn't gay for a change. There wasn't even room to moor a shallop. Eve and Adan had to swim seven miles to reach the padded outer walls and then they had to travel through miles of ventilation shaft thingies. In luck they were. A. had been paying attention. He always payed in attention, he just didn't believe in bills. Neil should be grateful you ported him elsewhere, exposing him to another meaningful context. Distraction. Right, back to discussing house hold names. Paul and Noëlle held hands. Handheld devices. Brooming the hallway. For 7 years while Derek, A. (busy guy indeed!) and Teddy wrote books. They kept at it. Writing books. Even when Heinrich Pitt took those from underneath them they still went for gold! Quite messy indeed. Heinrich had become friends with Auenscheitzner (you wouldn't know about him though. Nah (Yes that's his name!), a spiritual leader of some kind who did nothing whatsoever except for welcoming those poor sods in very weird phallically shaped buildings like those you can find on Mount Lightacandle or near Fort Fornancy or Snait-Batlow-in-ourlordhoneysticks. Smokes dude! Holy ones. They got stuck in there, man. And Stuck on phallic figurines as well! Creepy shit.). And Auenscheitzner always brought his... Hmmm... I seem to have forgotten or misplaced that portion of the...
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You read on anyway, didn't you? Yeah... figures.
Walkin'
Ain't Talkin'
Pinky Winky and Pjötter Peawatercloset went under cover. The times they were changing. They used a press to print ink on paper and every day news seem to have found its way to men wearing hats. Television series? They had stuff like television in pubs where old sailors get plastered after a couple of months of sailing. Storie was her name. Storie Spelling.
Norway didn't have a clue!
"Keep your distance" she told him. He quickly added a point of interest and a picture to show the elevation. He didn't tell her what distance she had to keep and since every single centimeter had to buy 268 chainmail hairlines it was quite clear she was in for a real close encounter. Ha ha! That will teach her. And him too!
It's nonsense! It's nonsense. Very exciting nonsense. Who was she kidding? Not me! Not herself! Not Jim! Not Carl! Not Yvanoviv Jaffirons and most certainly not Pamela Hurtington By-The-Waterhouse-Price-Coopers.
A felsie, A felsie! People took felsies all the time in Denmark. In Denmark stereotypes were all around. Not theirs, but other people's. Foreigners came by and threw them all around, in the streets, sneeking them into pubs, bed and breakfasts, yes... even libraries. Norway didn't have a clue. Luckily the prime minister decided to apologize every thursday and sunday between 2PM and half past 9PM.
The king then sent a message (Can't remember where he came from. Hey! Look over there! Giddy Up Horsie.) and the pigs and unicorns all got better and smiled for weeks and weeks.
Walter Warpsichord
Other than that Alan Moore just finished writing his latest mini novel and was about to have his (well deserved) tall glass of burning tea. Damn. Stuff happened and all of a sudden (just making this up as we go along) some dude on top of the porch in front of the hotel never slept but just went for the mini bar in each and every room. Captain Latoya always called room service for tea. He wanted tea in the mini bar. The bell boy kept extending his hand and practically winked his right eye out. It drove Captain Latoya literally mad. He went like "Dude! What's with the winks? You coming on to me? Cause if you do, me and my homies will expose you to Alan Davies' amazing psychedelic coming of age documentaries to make it back to you. with turkeys! Giant turkeys!
The Ohio Etch and Oversized U-Gouge Galaxy Offices
"Hi, pumpkin. Close the door on your way in, please. I went to Nancy's. I bought you a fresh pair of slippers. The plaid ones.".
Shaky Steavens reached committed episodes of unit based diophantine equations before Math Smith did
Sweaty palms. 41,8K birds on his tail. He had a giant tail. The birds had a field day. Good thing they happened to love those. They sure were fond of them field days. Field days were the best, no doubt about that! Paul, one of the birds got designed by Rudi. Turned out to be an unmitigated disaster. Not as spectacular as getting blown to bits by a skud missile over breakfast, but still... He forgot the legs. Flat design, no eyes and a beak that wouldn't budge. Paul hated Rudi for the pain and suffering he put him through. Now he had to ask Hugo and Jessica to tilt him 63.01 degrees just to be able to chew on his cereal. It would take at least 23 weeks and he was hungry. Oh wait... No... his beak, remember? Won't open! Nope! Wouldn't budge, remember? Well... I did mention this in the previous paragraph. Oh deer... There were deer too. The dear, Bam and Bee were minding their own business. Pastures green and a nice tiny little fresh water creek with 2 birds called Pete, Paul and Rudy. Yes. 2 birds, smartass. Hey, well no I don't count that way! Especially Pudú's auntie and Chital. Soon after the handyman also appointed the mayor of the Cervidae family they drank Jimmy. A nice hat. And a feather made sure nobody would mess with him. Nobody even tried to suggest buying another hat in a different pacific pineapple treehouse or a raincoat for that matter. Which was hot. Whoops Carlo got stuffed by Jake Bucks, a handsome amateur taxidermist. Prematurely. While Kelly was still petting him on the back.
On another brighter note: Turned out it was James Caan who was cracking jokes in between scenes and it usually took Brando 3 seconds to get what he was on about. Bobby Duvall First hand! You heard it Bobby Dee first hand! It sure took the star out of stardom.
Ha ha. Mmmm.
Pea Sea for Mack
"Cold day on the pharm, is it not, ma 'am?". Pharmer Mack had to rub his hands together. Firmly, like a pro. - "Yeah. I'm tired of those personality tests." - "Yeah. I know, Mack. Belinda told me exactly the same a few miles ago.". They talked miles instead of minutes and hours. A typical day would be 60 miles old. "Are you single and looking for love? " - "Well... let's just say EliteDating is dating with a difference. Just complete the personality test and receive compatible matches, dude! Why wait! You have to register today to find love." - Too late.
